Below is the actual email I just submitted to the Church and Dwight Consumer Relationships Department.  I hope they understand the gravity of this situation.  I also received an automated response that is copied below my letter.

Product: Arrid Ultima 1.8 oz Antiperspirant Deododorant

UPC: 2260017167

Lot #: L9105EX04-11

Dear Arrid XX Dry Marketing Team,

I was happy to see on your Website that my comment is important to you. I would like to give you fair warning that I am about to expose an enormous Arrid conspiracy.

I’ll start by saying that I am a loyal customer. I am both a bit portly and half Italian–a lethal combination when it comes to unwanted underarm odor.  My experience has been that Arrid XX Dry beats the other antiperspirant options like they’re rented mules.  Oh, I’ve tried the Gillette Clinical Strength.  It left me a sweaty mess.  Degree Clinical Protection? I smell like dirty socks within a half an hour.  But good ol’ Arrid XX Dry has always gotten me through my work day smelling shower fresh (well, at least my arm pits).  Clinical strength options be damned, Arrid XX is all I need.

My wife knows how loyal I am to your product line and was consequently elated when she saw that Arrid released a clinical strength antiperspirant.  Could life get any better?  The best deodorant on the market just got EVEN stronger!  I hurried to my bathroom, Arrid Ultima in hand, excited to begin to my new, fresher smelling life.  Then it happened.  I compared the active ingredient in Arrid Ultima to that of my Arrid XX Dry.  Do you know what I found? I think that you do.

Each stick is composed of exactly 19% Aluminum Zirconium Tetrachlorohydrex Gly–the only active ingredient listed. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think I was just charged an additional $3 for LESS deodorant in a different package.  As a marketing professional, I can’t help but congratulate the guy on the Arrid Marketing Team who suggested re-labeling the exact same product and jacking up the price to compete with the crappy "clinical" options of your competitors.  However, as a customer, I am left questioning how a company that I so faithfully endorse to my legion of plus-sized, sweaty friends could treat me like such a fool.

So what am I asking for?  Simply this, Arrid Marketing Manager: Justice.  Make this right, or I vow to suffer through vomit-enducing BO while I find another brand that can cover the over-whelming aroma of my masculinity.  I’m blowing the lid off this conspiracy.  This letter and your response will appear for all five of my readers at Notoriousdad.com.  I pull some serious weight with the three readers who aren’t my wife and my mother. But incidentally, even they hope that you respond both swiftly and appropriately because they don’t feel like smelling me for the next month.      

Best,

Andy

End Note

And the auto response:

Dear  Andy,
Thank you for taking the time to contact us about Arrid Ultima 1.8 oz Antiperspirant Deodo.
Although we cannot guarantee an immediate response, we will reply as soon as possible.  If you need immediate assistance, please call us at 1-800-524-1328 and refer to reference number: 004523099A.  Our Consumer Relations Department is available Monday – Friday from 9:00 A.M. until 5:00 P.M. Eastern Time.
Thank you.
Church & Dwight Consumer Relations Department

So far, this doesn’t look good. . .

Tagged with: arrid • arrid extra dry • arrid extra extra dry • Arrid Ultima • Arrid X Dry • arrid XX • arrid XX Dry

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