My brother was a senior at Toledo during my freshman year at Bowling Green. He was happy to buy me beer, but he me made me abide by one rule: I was only allowed to request Milwaukee’s Best or Natural Lite. He told me that good beer was wasted on the underage. He was absolutely [...]

“You”  Dom has a fun new game where he randomly shouts out animal names and then humiliates me by making me act them out for his own twisted amusement. (Just for the record, what the hell sound does a giraffe make? It’s keeping me up at night.) Anyway, I try to entice Dominic into acting [...]

Both hands where I can see them, mister Well, I guess someone has to post after Steve, and it’s my turn. Since there is no appropriate way to follow up Jack’s first birthday, I have decided to write about the absolute least appropriate thing I can muster. If you haven’t watched Jack’s video, please do, [...]

In a universe of blind physical forces and genetic replication, some people are going to get hurt, other people are going to get lucky, and you won’t find any rhyme or reason in it, or any justice. The universe that we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no [...]

    I thought Friday was the night. Conditions were perfect. Dom picked his Elmo Potty Time Video to watch before bed, Kerry watched him chug two cups of water before I got home from work, and I was feeling lucky. Conditions were perfect. Right as Elmo’s dad was having a little pee-pee party for [...]

“Dom at 7 months—completely strung out on “paci” Dominic turned two years-old today. That sweet little baby boy who slept on my chest has grown into a willful little toddler driven by an insatiable lust for mini vanilla wafers and demonic talking Elmo dolls. Obviously I’m kidding—I adore my little buddy and love the little [...]

This photo has nothing to do with this post, I just love it. I’ve routinely cut my own hair since college because I realized that the opportunity cost of giving $10 to the barber, was not having $10 to give to the bartender. Only after I gained the means to buy both beer and haircuts [...]

My son is an aspiring little economist. At the age of two, he already understands the Law of Supply and Demand. Let me give you an example. Dom recognizes that he provides a very specialized service to his Mommy and Daddy: eating his broccoli. In fact, there are no other competitors in the market. Only [...]

I’m going to take a break from my usual failed attempts at humor to tell you what’s actually on my mind this week. I hope you’ll forgive me. I wrote in my inaugural post that Dom was a miracle. It’s true. We weren’t supposed to have children. Kerry has endometriosis, a disease that causes endometrial [...]

 You totally would have missed this because you suck at fatherhood I know the drill. You’re going to go to Best Buy and ask for advice from whatever trendy-looking college douche they hired to stand by the cameras. Cpt. D-Bag is going to try to shove a quasi-futuristic-looking HD Camcorder right down your pie-hole. Ignore [...]