East Cobb Dad writes:

Sometimes, my baby’s mama & I need some time to ourselves, if you see what I am sayin’.  So, like, what can we do to occupy our son with an outside, like, activity while we interact?

Need an answer NOW,
East Cobb Dad

Well East Cobb Dad, you’ve come to the right place. Little brains are malleable and easy to influence. I have spent the last few months training my son for this exact situation:

At this point, I feel the need to stress the importance of proper ottoman ventilation. Safety first, people.

By providing foodstuffs and a pillow, my son will hide for upwards of 7 minutes before growing bored—plenty of time to take care of any necessary business and make a ham sandwich, at least in my experience.

If for some unknown reason you have a hankering to play some Candy Land before your little romance assassin emerges from his hiding spot, simply summon him forth as seen here:

Before you call Child Services on me, please note Dom’s excitement to play our special game again. Unfortunately, my wife rarely shares his enthusiasm. East Cobb Dad: you’re welcome.

For the rest of you, please feel free to take East Cobb Dad’s lead and use that little “Ask the Dads” button in the header. If your question isn’t horrible, I just might honor you with a response too. After all, without you I’d have to find some other outlet for my recycled humor and false bravado. And for that, I count each one of you as a special little gift.

Two Dog Dad,

First off, the fact that you have two children under the age of 3 that are able to consume two hot dogs each is to be commended.  At Notorious D.A.D. we appreciate fathers being a positive influence in their son’s lives and there is nothing more positive than teaching them to eat like a man at an early age.  We applaud you for your tireless efforts and suggest you begin to introduce a taco night into your family’s weekly dinner schedule.

In addressing your question about hot dog availability, I think the answer is obvious: you deserve your wife’s hot dogs.  You and your children need the nutrients provided by those hot dogs, but I’d imagine your wife can do without. With two children under her belt, I’m sure there is a lot more “under her belt” than there was before you two got married, so maybe some healthier options are in order for her.

Next time the little lady asks if you want anything from the store ask her to pick up some of those 100 calorie pack snacks.  Broads really love thinking that the cookies they are eating are “healthy”, so before you go out to grill up those dogs just leave a couple of the packs out where she can see them, you know on top of the washing machine or somewhere like that. 

While you’re out grilling, she’ll be chowing down and by the time you and the boys are ready to eat she’ll be full.  It’s a win-win.