I’ve decided to skip my recent run of hilarious letters to corporate America and return to my roots: potty humor. This is a dad blog after all.
Dom’s 3rd birthday is rapidly approaching and up until this week, he was still having trouble understanding why anyone in their right mind would inconvenience themselves by using a [...]
Here is the email I just submitted to Nickelodeon, reproduced in its entirety:
Dear Nick Jr. Program Director,
I must reluctantly thank you for moving The Fresh Beat Band to the 6:30 time slot. It has inspired me to take my son outside and enjoy the cool summer evenings. As an added bonus, we usually miss most [...]
Here is the note I just received from Church and Dwight, with comments added in blue. My response is below.
Dear Andy, (again, I removed my last name even though only my family reads this crap)
Thank you for contacting us recently regarding Church & Dwight Co., Inc. products. (you’re welcome) In order [...]
Below is the actual email I just submitted to the Church and Dwight Consumer Relationships Department. I hope they understand the gravity of this situation. I also received an automated response that is copied below my letter.
Product: Arrid Ultima 1.8 oz Antiperspirant Deododorant
UPC: 2260017167
Lot #: L9105EX04-11
Dear Arrid XX Dry Marketing Team,
I was [...]
Dominic before learning the harsh reality of a cruel and taco-less world
Dear Mr. [Andy], (yes, I removed my last name even though you all know who I am)
Thank you for taking the time to email us regarding our Ortega product. Your comments and patronage are very much appreciated. (Clearly stock language from PR. [...]
Below is the letter I just submitted to the Ortega Website at http://ortega.com/, reproduced in its entirety. I think it speaks for itself. The horror. The horror.
Product UPC: 4150100803
Manufacturer Filling Date Code: I have looked at the box for three minutes and have concluded that this number does not exist.
Message Subject: The Tragic Events [...]
Over the past week, 1-800-FLOWERS.com has shelled out some big bucks to show up across the Yahoo! and MSN homepages in an attempt to sell their Valentine’s Day flower arrangements. I say this as modestly as possible–it’s lucky for their shareholders that someone in their PR department was smart enough to realize that Notoriousdad.com pulls [...]
I have a one year old. And I have a dog.
We bought the one year old one of these:
(Whoever invented these better have won some sort of inventing prize.)
To the snack catchers we added these: [...]
My Pal Scout is a great toy for kids. Scout will learn your childs name and sings songs with them. Top Toy of 2009.
My brother was a senior at Toledo during my freshman year at Bowling Green. He was happy to buy me beer, but he me made me abide by one rule: I was only allowed to request Milwaukee’s Best or Natural Lite. He told me that good beer was wasted on the underage. He was absolutely [...]