Here is the email I just submitted to Nickelodeon, reproduced in its entirety:
Dear Nick Jr. Program Director,
I must reluctantly thank you for moving The Fresh Beat Band to the 6:30 time slot. It has inspired me to take my son outside and enjoy the cool summer evenings.  As an added bonus, we usually miss most [...]

Round 1:

Combatants:

Twist

Dr. Dre

Career Began with:
Fresh Beat Band
NWA
Winner:
Dr. Dre

Hangs out with:

This Guy

Snoop Dogg
Winner:
Dr. Dre

Favorite Instrument:
Himself
Glock
Winner:
Dr. Dre

Final Verdict: Dr. Dre
I’m paraphrasing here, but Dr. Dre was “strapped with gats while Twist was cuddlin’ a Cabbage Patch.”
Round 2:

Combatants:

Twist

Vanilla Ice

Biggest Hit:
“Loco Legs”
“Ice Ice Baby”
Winner: Twist

Biggest Pickle:
Losing his voice while trying to find a word that rhymes with “music”
Being held [...]

Tim Sandwich Artist: Hi, welcome to Subway.
[Never looks up, continues to fiddle with a bag of broccoli cheddar soup]

Randy: Duuuuude, baby, what it is, what it is?
Sandwich Artist: What kind of bread would you like?
Randy: Ehhhh, I don’t know dog. This is hard man, this is hard.
[Fiddles with [...]