Here is the email I just submitted to Nickelodeon, reproduced in its entirety: Dear Nick Jr. Program Director, I must reluctantly thank you for moving The Fresh Beat Band to the 6:30 time slot. It has inspired me to take my son outside and enjoy the cool summer evenings.  As an added bonus, we usually [...]

Round 1: Combatants: Twist Dr. Dre Career Began with: Fresh Beat Band NWA Winner: Dr. Dre Hangs out with: This Guy Snoop Dogg Winner: Dr. Dre Favorite Instrument: Himself Glock Winner: Dr. Dre Final Verdict: Dr. Dre I’m paraphrasing here, but Dr. Dre was “strapped with gats while Twist was cuddlin’ a Cabbage Patch.” Round [...]

Tim Sandwich Artist: Hi, welcome to Subway. [Never looks up, continues to fiddle with a bag of broccoli cheddar soup] Randy: Duuuuude, baby, what it is, what it is? Sandwich Artist: What kind of bread would you like? Randy: Ehhhh, I don’t know dog. This is hard man, this is hard. [Fiddles with the whiskers [...]