As Dom grows older, his ever-growing cognitive capacity makes him more interesting by the day. Every now and then, he says something that gives me backstage passes into that innocent little brain of his. Generally, it’s incredibly refreshing to see the world through a four year-olds eyes, but tonight Dom said something that left me feeling what can only be described as terror.
Just to set the stage, some of you may remember my previous post, Notorious D.A.D. Rap Battles Volume I. In that post, I professed my hatred for Twist, Nickelodeon’s beat-boxing member of the Fresh Beat Band, otherwise known as, “Everthing that’s wrong with the Universe.” I pitted Twist against Dr. Dre, the unrivaled best rapper of all time. Spoiler Alert: Twist didn’t fare very well.
Tonight, I was reviewing “AP” rhyming words with my son (nap, gap, map, you get the point). One of the words that he picked out of the pile of flash cards was “rap.” You can imagine my horror when I had the following conversation with my son:
Dom: Daddy, what is “rap”
Me: It’s like singing and talking at the same time. Actually, Rappers use a lot of rhyming words. Did that help?
Dom: No. What is “rap”
Me (switching to a dead-on Dr. Dre impression): Where all the mad rappers at? It’s like a jungle in this habitat, but all you savage cats knew that I was strapped with gats while you was cuddling a Cabbage Patch. See? That’s rapping.
Dom: Ohhhhhhhhh, like Twist on Fresh Beat Band
There you have it, faithful readers. Twist is officially the bar that other rappers are measured against in my son’s fragile little mind. Oh the humanity.
It’s too late for Dominic–He’s a lost cause, but it’s not too late for your little guy. I implore you, don’t make the same mistake I did. Protect your son from Twist and his Fresh Beat Band cronies, or your namesake will become the next victim, cursed to live a life devoid of the joy that can only be provided by quality gangsta rap.
Tagged with: Dr. Dre • fresh beat band • twist
November 7th, 2011 at 5:16 pm
I’m only concerned that I haven’t any clue who “Twist” is or that anything from Nickolodean could be contrasted with Dr. Dre. I mean seriously, it’s been years since I’ve seen anything from that station but man it must have gotten hard core since then!