Both hands where I can see them, mister
Well, I guess someone has to post after Steve, and it’s my turn. Since there is no appropriate way to follow up Jack’s first birthday, I have decided to write about the absolute least appropriate thing I can muster. If you haven’t watched Jack’s video, please do, and save my trite, failed attempt at humor for another day. Seriously.
Without further ado:
My son is infatuated with his junk. Oh, it was cute at first. Kerry and I had a ball deciding what to name it. We gave “ween” and “peen” trial runs, but Dom always seemed very partial to “dingle.” Whatever the latest moniker may be, he quite simply can’t get enough of it.
Last night he asked to use the potty, but then refused to squeeze out a single solitary drop. I’m fairly certain he just wanted to get his diaper off, and I unwittingly granted him an all-access, back stage pass to his funk zone. And wow, does the boy have no shame. He just giggled and laughed and smiled and jammed away. If I’m being honest, the eye-contact was a little creepy.
After we put him to bed, Kerry came into the living room and asked if I thought it was unusual. She then realized that we had been apart for literally 30 seconds and I was already laying on the couch with my hand down my pants.
Sensing that for the first time my physiology gave me some unique insight into the mind of our two-year old, I explained to her that this is the beginning of a long journey, a quest if you will, and that all men must travel this road alone. I assured her that it’s completely normal, and that the best advice is to do absolutely nothing about it, unless of course, he starts exploring his “special purpose” in public.
Since Mark has already firmly established Yahoo! Answers as the absolute authority on everything ever, check this out if you’re still not convinced. Whatever you do, please promise to never label self-exploration as “bad” or reprimand your little boy for exploring his own body (it is his, after all).
August 21st, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Not only do I think it’s normal for a two year old to play with his dingle, to use Dom’s favorite word, I think it’s normal for 3-90 year olds to do the same, and that the world would be a much better place if we all did it in public. Certainly women would be a lot less confused about men and their intentions, and men would be much less able to deceive them. So, Dom, Viva la Wank!