“Elmo just shit in Oscar’s trash can!”
I have a reoccurring nightmare in which I wake up and Elmo is standing at the foot of my bed holding zip-ties and a broken broomstick. I’m pretty sure he’s sending subliminal messages to my son. While I can’t prove any of it, here are 10 things I’m almost certain I’ve heard Elmo say from an adjacent room (this works a whole lot better if you imagine Elmo’s voice):
(1) “Elmo says kill your daddy”
(2) “Squeeze Elmo’s nose to awaken the sleeping beast”
(3) “Elmo is still very ticklish, and still very sexually attracted to your mommy”
(4) “Elmo says drink some Drano”
(5) “Elmo knows how to make you feel gooooooood”
(6) “Elmo says you’re adopted”
(7) “Come give Elmo a big hug. Awww, thank you. You’re Elmo’s best friend, now smother your daddy with Mr. Teddy”
(8) “Elmo says listen to Stairway to Heaven backwards”
(9) “Uh-oh, Elmo fell down. Can you help Elmo up please and bludgeon your daddy with the Doodle-Pro?”
10) “Spare your daddy’s life. . .Elmo didn’t say ‘Elmo says’”
Tagged with: elmo • elmo live • elmo toys