Pictured above is a small fraction of Dominic’s toy menagerie, many of which come from the Schleich product line. Are you familiar with these toy animals? There’s a reason why “Schleich” rhymes with “Reich”–they’re both German, and they’re both evil. All are made from heavy-duty plastic and are anatomically correct. That’s right folks, you read that correctly. Kerry brought home a Schleich Mustang Stallion from her last trip to Target and inadvertently made daddy feel wholly inadequate. Seriously, the smaller mammals I can handle, but the horses and bulls should really come with some kind of a warning label.
The retail prices of Schleich animals range from $5.18 for your standard warthog piglet to $39.95 for the more exotic Giganotosaurus. And they quite literally make every single animal known to man, both living and extinct. There are thirteen different Schleich lions on the first page of the Amazon results alone. They even make mythological beasts, like the Pegasus and the Chimera, just to tempt dads who played Magic: the Gathering during their formative years (not that I know anything about it. . .except that Serra Angels can attack without having to tap).
I was taking inventory of Dom’s toy bin after he went to bed tonight and ran some figures:
((9 Schleich Large Predatory Cats) x (avg $9.99 each)) + ((3 Schleich Elephants) x (avg $9.99 each)) + ($5.18(baby rhino + piglet + baby triceratops + German Shepard pup)) + $24.99(Spinosaurus + Stegosaurus) = The xBox 360 that Daddy didn’t buy
How many people “make it” as zoologists, really? Could there be a bigger waste of money? I haven’t even factored in half of his Schleich animals, let alone his shoddier, made-in-China plastic petting zoo. Just to add insult to injury, I happened upon this little guy tonight:
Pteranodons have three fingers on each hand, and that ain’t the first or third.
In the name of brevity, I won’t get into his cars, his instruments, or the bin of licensed Disney products, but it’s safe to say that Dom is personally accountable for the fact that Kerry and I have yet to sponsor a third-world child for a dollar a day. I take some solace that in the end, the joke will be on Dominic. When he turns eighteen and asks why there isn’t enough money in his college fund to cover more than three semesters, I will silently lead him down the steps to the basement and point to the 17 tubs of Hot Wheels.
Tagged with: Schleich • toy animals • toys
April 18th, 2011 at 8:20 pm
I’ve learned that regardless of the figurine, the size or the price, my 2 year old plays with them the same, they all make the same sound, they all do the same thing and they all have a final resting place at the bottom of his toy box. Appearentl,y my son is an EOP (Equal Opportunity Playa).
June 2nd, 2011 at 9:50 pm
[...] ago I was schilling for the Germans by promoting Shleich’s line of realistic animal figurines (here, if you missed it), but a French company, Papo, is the undisputed king of the Jurassic. It’s a [...]