Dominic before learning the harsh reality of a cruel and taco-less world
Dear Mr. [Andy], (yes, I removed my last name even though you all know who I am)
Thank you for taking the time to email us regarding our Ortega product. Your comments and patronage are very much appreciated. (Clearly stock language from PR. So far I’m not impressed, Marge.)
We work hard to ensure that only the highest quality product is packed at our plant. We are therefore very sorry that our product did not measure up to your expectations. (You say “my expectations” like it’s subjective. I know this is more stock language, but c’mon, Marge. Unbroken taco shells are pretty much the expectation of the entire taco-eating free world.)
Our packaging is designed to withstand normal conditions of distribution and handling. However, mishandling during storage and shipping may cause the fragile shells to be broken. For example, if the product is accidentally shaken or dropped during shelving, the outside of the box might look fine, but the shells inside may become damaged. (ummm, full disclosure, Marge: I did let Dom throw the taco shells into our cart at Giant Eagle. Was I not supposed to do that? You need to give me a warning or something.)
Let me assure you that this will be investigated and we will be in contact with our distributors. (Oh snap! Marge just totally punk’d the distributors, yo.)
We guarantee our products, and do not want you to be dissatisfied. I will send you complimentary coupons. (Now you’re speaking my language, Marge.)
(On a personal note, let me thank you for your entertaining and creative email, it was enjoyed by many of us). (Here’s where Marge won my heart forever. However, she did say many of us and not all of us. Marge did right by me, but I demand to meet the humorless buzzkill who did not enjoy my entertaining and creative email.)
Margaret (Marge) (last name removed. I don’t want you hounding my girl)
B&G Foods, Inc, Corporate Consumer Affairs & Relations
End note
It’s nice to see that the Ortega brand has an actual human being with a sense of humor responding to complaints in less than 48 hours. Assuming Marge comes through with those complimentary coupons, all is forgiven and I consider the matter closed. I decree that both Marge and her immediate manager be promoted for their fair and ethical handling of such a delicate situation.
Tagged with: corporate complaints • ortega • ortega whole grain corn taco shells
March 19th, 2010 at 11:51 pm
I’d just like to comment that I think I’m hysterical.
April 1st, 2010 at 9:52 pm
As one of the two readers not related to you or involved in the blog, I think you are hysterical too! Well done good sir and God help us all that the coupons come through and this tragedy is rectified. Taco night is something sacred at my house as well (complete with ground turkey) so I empathize!
June 14th, 2010 at 9:05 am
While it didn’t warrant its own post, Marge did come through. The new taco shells were completely intact. Score one for the little guy!