"Captain Dominic Dropping Anchor"

I’ve decided to skip my recent run of hilarious letters to corporate America and return to my roots: potty humor.  This is a dad blog after all.

Dom’s 3rd birthday is rapidly approaching and up until this week, he was still having trouble understanding why anyone in their right mind would inconvenience themselves by using a toilet.

Now don’t get me wrong, he’s a smart kid. He has a clear understanding of potty physics and mastered the fine motor skills necessary to remove his underwear months ago (which he showed the neighborhood with an impromptu demonstration in our front yard).  I think his problem was a simple lack of motivation.

That’s where Pirate Potty comes in.  I know it’s hard to believe, but I had no idea that something as kick-ass as piracy could be applied to potty training.  It was perfect. My brother gave Dom an enormous pirate ship for his second birthday that, to this day, remains one of his favorite toys, so he already had a frame of reference. Additionally, he was born an exceptionally talented pillager.  With the help of this book, Dom took to the potty like a pirate to scurvy.

As you can see from the picture, the book comes with a paper pirate hat that Captain Dominic only gets to wear when he’s dropping anchor.  Each time he successfully uses the toilet, he gets a Jolly Roger sticker for his potty chart.

While not having to smell his pirate booty was gift enough, as an additional bonus, I get to hear him say things like “Arrrr Matey, I need to pee pee” and “Arrr I’m making a poopy, you dirty land lubbers!”

Since instituting Pirate Potty Time, I haven’t had to swab Captain Dominic’s poop deck once. We’ve even taken him out in public in big-kid underwear, and he rewarded us by shouting “Arrrr I need to plunder the potty” right in the middle of the Panera lunch rush. I have never been more proud of him.

Because 1/5 of my fan base is my wife, I would have a mutiny on my hands if I didn’t at least acknowledge that she’s been an extremely supportive first mate to Captain Dominic throughout his voyage into potty independence.

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• Happy Birthday Jack
• Papo Should be Paying Me, Yo
• Suppressing the Will of the Proletariat
• I’m the Laziest Dad Alive