This photo has nothing to do with this post, I just love it.
I’ve routinely cut my own hair since college because I realized that the opportunity cost of giving $10 to the barber, was not having $10 to give to the bartender. Only after I gained the means to buy both beer and haircuts did I realize that I’m also a cheap bastard. Thus, I’ve become very efficient at cutting my own hair, but I digress. All you really need to know is that I cut my stupid hair tonight.
I was afraid the clipper buzz would wake Dom because my bathroom is right across the hall from his room, so I took refuge in Kerry’s bathroom for a quick haircut and a shower. What I found in her bathroom blew my freaking mind. Here’s a comprehensive list of the items that rested on a single 12 inch shelf (how she fit everything was a modern engineering marvel). I sampled each in order to better understand the female psyche:
1) Organix Nourishing Coconut Milk Shampoo – presumably just like my more economical Suave shampoo, except that it smelled like delicious coconuts instead of sweaty taint.
2) Breathe Romance High Lather Moisture Wash (Soap Free) – I can’t even wrap my mind around soap-free soap. However, I can attest to the fact that it smells exactly like romance.
3) Garnier Microbead Cream Scrub *oil free – Take regular liquid soap, pour in one handful of sand and three handfuls of excruciating pain.
4) Clinique 7-Day Scrub Cream – The more viscous/masochistic version of Garnier Microbead Cream Scrub. I’m assuming it’s at least $15 more expensive per bottle because they throw in an extra handful of sand.
5) In(fus)ium 23 Shampoo – Suave shampoo in a futuristic looking bottle.
6) Mary Kay Red Tea & Fig Loofah Body Cleanser –I’ve never smelled a fig and I didn’t know red tea existed, so I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt on the scent.
7) Rusk Sensories Calming Conditioner – Boasts a guarana & ginger 60-second hair revive. It has been an hour and a half and my widow’s peak has shown no signs of revival, religious or otherwise.
8 ) Rusk Sensories Calming Shampoo – Suave shampoo in a standard Suave bottle. The label is different, but it has that same Suave sweaty taint scent that I know I can trust.
9) Mach 3 Straight Razor – Finally, a product I can fully endorse without reservation. I support both Gillette for making this kick-ass product and hair-removal in general.
Tagged with: Breathe Romance • Clinique • Garnier • Gillette • In(fus)ium 23 • Mary Kay • Organix • Rusk
July 4th, 2009 at 11:25 am
As usual, I find it entertaining and thought-provoking to picture you in the shower.
August 7th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
I guess it fits with my closet full of fluourescent polo shirts, extensive shoe collection, and mad kitchen skills, but I think I have as many different shower products as Carly.
Which makes no sense, because I shave with a disposable razor and water, I don’t use conditioner, and I use a bar of whatever soap is available that month at Costco.
The rest of the shit just sits there. Stuff that seemed like a good idea when I was at the store… “Ooooh, I’ll bet Burt’s Bees Shave Cream will eliminate my adult acne, prevent slicing open my chin, take 2 inches off my waist, and give me a more refined taste in single malt Scotches…”
And, while it does none of the above, it’s hard to justify throwing away a tube of shave cream that costs $3.87 an ounce.