Below is the letter I just submitted to the Ortega Website at http://ortega.com/, reproduced in its entirety. I think it speaks for itself. The horror. The horror.

Product UPC: 4150100803

Manufacturer Filling Date Code: I have looked at the box for three minutes and have concluded that this number does not exist.

Message Subject: The Tragic Events of Taco Night 3/10/2010

Dear Person in the Ortega PR Department Stuck Reading My Complaint,

I was glad to discover on your Website that my opinion is important to you, because I had a traumatic experience involving your Whole Grain Corn Taco Shells this evening. You see, tonight was taco night–a magical evening in my household when it seems, if only for the twenty minutes I’m enjoying my wife’s delicious tacos, that dreams really can come true.

I was unwinding from a hard day’s work, enjoying some age-appropriate online video with my two year-old son at the kitchen table, when my wife gasped from across the room. I ran to her only to discover than nine of the ten delicious Ortega Whole Grain Corn Taco Shells we had purchased only two days earlier were broken into no less than two, but no more than seven pieces. Oh the humanity.

What could we do? My lovely wife had already prepared the ground turkey, complete with your Ortega Taco Seasoning I might add. The tomatoes had been chopped. The spoon was already in the tub of sour cream. We couldn’t turn back. I ask again, what would you have us do?

Sure, I went ahead and broke up what remained of the battered taco shells in an ill-conceived attempt to make nachos. And yes, I know the ingredients are identical, but it’s called TACO NIGHT for the love of all things holy. It just wasn’t the same. I work hard to provide for my family, and I shouldn’t be denied my preferred ground turkey and shredded cheese delivery vehicle.

I’m sure you think I’m blowing this out of proportion, but what you’re forgetting is this: Ortega is not simply selling whole grain corn taco shells; it’s selling “taco night” and all the associated hopes and dreams that go along with it.

I ask that you make this right. Please find a way to restore my faith in your brand. I will be chronicling this incident on my blog at www.notoriousdad.com. While I don’t mean this in any way to be a threat, I pull some serious weight with the seven people who read my blog each week . . . six if you don’t count my wife who is already aware of the events that took place on this tragic night . . . four if you don’t count the other two guys who write with me . . . three if you don’t count my mother.

Thank you for your time,

Andy

End Note

I will publish any response I receive in it’s entirety to you, my faithful readers. Let’s hope Little Caesar’s does a better job with Pizza Night on Friday.

• Marge from Ortega Responds
• Summer Day & Night Video Baby Monitor – Review
• How to Easily Uncrystallize Honey – Dad Hack
• Panera Calls Down the Thunder
• Wiener Rationing – Ask the Dads